In all honesty, it has taken this long to be able to find the time or the energy to write again. People tell you how hard babies are and how much they change your life but how much you did both was quite unexpected!
The final post (see below) referenced a cold spell lasting until January 25th. That is the day you were born little one! It turned out to be a very cold and snowy winter. This is what people tell me. We were stuck indoors for awhile after you were born.
It's important for me to write down your birth story for a few reasons. One being that people have told me I would forget it in time. Another reason being I don't often talk about that day other than with the only other person there, your father.
The week prior to your birth I visited our OB/GYN Dr. Salima Akhtar. She was a lovely woman who always dressed impeccably and wore heels. I loved her. Since you were overdue she scheduled me for the precursor to an induction- a Foley catheter- on Sunday, January 23rd, 2011.
I was already suffering from a large hemorrhoid (TMI? Just you wait) so was feeling relieved but anxious. Two people in particular helped calm my nerves about the induction which I had read nothing good about. These two women had given birth before (Tammy Palumbo-now pregnant with her fourth, and Amy Harris-now pregnant with her second). Both had been induced. Ok, I was ready...!?!
Sunday evening arrived and I was scheduled to receive my foley catheter (a small balloon-like object inserted into the cervix to help it expand) and arrived on time. My cervix was not dilated. It was not effaced. I was tight as a drum. You were no where near showing any signs of arriving on your own. It hurt like hell and was, quite frankly, one of the top two or three ghastly, painful experiences of your birth. I'm pretty sure I asked if labour could possibly worse...more on that to come.
The nurses then packed me up, told me to take some tylenol and get some sleep as I was scheduled to receive the induction phone call early the next morning. Every bump on the car ride home was painful. I couldn't sleep and 'imagined' I must be having contractions since the sensation was less than pleasant. I had taken some expired tylenol like an IDIOT. Seriously, what was I thinking?
Back to the hospital we went. They made me pull on the foley-catheter to see if it would come out. It didn't and that really sucked.
After some observation back home we were sent.
A night that was supposed to be restful turned out to be fairly sleepless and stressful. We stopped on the way home to get some new tylenol and I deep breathed my way to sleep.
Cue the telephone at 6:45 AM.
"Are you ready to come in and have your baby?" the nurse asked.
"Oh yes" I replied (vomit).
"Be sure to eat some breakfast as you won't be eating once you arrive at the hospital and it might be awhile until you eat again."
Cue my husband stumbling into the shower and me stumbling into the kitchen to pour a bowl of Cheerios and cry into it.
We chose not to tell anyone we were being induced to limit the number of people at the hospital. This was good thinking since you weren't born until Tuesday.
We arrived Monday morning and at about 8:30 AM I was given an IV filled with pitocin to get my contractions started. The foley catheter was still intact...yep, nothing was working to open me up!
And now the fun begins.
My OB/GYN was scheduled to work that day which is why I was scheduled for my induction that day. In retrospect I am not convinced that this was best practice. Perhaps when I showed signs of being ready to deliver a baby is when I should have gone to the hospital...hindsight.
Over the next few hours I was subjected to a variety of horrific and painful experiences. None of these had to do with labour which is interesting to me. I had started contracting but my contractions were not painful at all.
What was painful was the pulling out by brute force of the foley catheter by an intern.
Also at the height of my pain memories was the breaking of my water by my OB. A long plastic stick, not unlike a knitting needle, with a hook on the end was inserted into my tight-as-a-drum cervix in order to hook my water and break it. I was not anticipating this type of pain for this type of procedure. Everything I had read indicated that breaking of the waters should be painless. Baptism by fire I suppose.
After everyone had left and the sobbing subsided (my sobbing) the nurse shook her head and muttered something about 'torture.' At least she was compassionate. I also remember thanking my OB after swearing, cursing and crying because she had started the process of labour. IDIOT. She was really just speeding it up so that I delivered you sooner. I had already become delirious, obviously.
Then there was a period of a few hours where things were relatively calm as I bounced on a yoga ball and contracted mildly. We had a lovely nurse named Pam who was also a mid-wife. I shared with her my desire to give birth naturally and my concern that my induction would lead to a C-section.
I was not progressing.
New doctors came in and offered an epidural to speed up the process. I didn't want one as I felt I didn't need one at that time. Let me just share that I was hell-bent on an epidural once labour pains began but at this point nothing was severe and I was almost comfortable. Why would I get an epidural? Pam suggested I do what I felt was right for me while slightly pushing the epidural so that I would have no regrets (i.e., I had tried everything).
A young Asian doctor came in and gave me an epidural. We chatted and found out he was friends with your doctor, Dr. Howard. Small world. He was so nice and it didn't hurt a bit.
As the epidural set in we watched the monitor to keep track of contractions.
Every so often someone would come in to check to see if I was dilated. I was progressing slowly. By nightfall I was about a centimeter and a half. Long way off from the goal of ten.
As the night wore on I continued in a sort of bliss. At this point I had felt very few traditional labour pains and, aside from the horror of the morning, felt I was getting away with something. That is, until another Dr. decided to stretch my cervix manually in order to get my cervix in the game.
This was perhaps the second most traumatizing part of the hospital stay. I can't even call it labour. It doesn't sit right with me when I hear other people's stories about real labour. Anyway, my cervix was repeatedly stretched out in order to get me to ten centimeters. My poor cervix made it to 7 1/2 before it swelled. Your little head was in a great position and you were being pushed down by my contractions but you were not able to progress any further.
By morning it was clear that you weren't going to be coming out in the way I had hoped. A new doctor arrived and booked a room for my surgery. You were going to be pulled out after a c-section. Once this was decided (believe me, I asked if there was an alternative) the process was quick. You were ready to come out and I was ready to end the process.
27 hours after arriving at the hospital, at 11:10 AM, weighing 7 lbs. and 11 ounces, you were born by c-section. There are lots of gory details to add here but I will refrain. I did throw up a few times and your father had to vacuum it up!
Now here is the part that I will go to my grave regretting and the most traumatizing for me personally. I wasn't able to hold you after you were born. I wasn't able to see you the moment you came into the world. A nurse held you and showed us your profile before whisking you away to be weighed, measured, treated, etc. I laid on the operating table for another forty-five minutes before I was wheeled into the room where you were.
Even then I was shaking so badly I wasn't able to hold you. It was killing me.
Finally you were brought to me and I cuddled you to my breast and welcomed you as I had been waiting to do almost my whole life. You were a precious, healthy gift.
Don't worry. I have made up for all of the time I didn't get to hold you. And I'll never let you go!
Your father held you first. He talked to you about the upcoming Superbowl. You were quiet and listened to his voice. If I had to give you up to anyone, he would be the one. He loves you like crazy too.
And there's our story of how you came into the world...
